An Honest Moment

This is quite a long blog post, but thanks for reading!

I feel that God is opening my heart again, or I am allowing Him to do so in a new way. So this season, it's me coming to an understanding that my brokenness does not stop me from completing the will of works of God. It doesn't matter how often I stumble or fall, but God will continue honoring his promises as long as I keep going. God will lead me wherever he wants to take me. I worry I might not act at the right time or miss God's plan. To avoid it, I rush to heal myself instead of allowing myself to feel my emotions now.

I've been so focused on preservation that I haven't had the space to be present and enjoy the journey. I've mentioned this before. God is doing new work in me. I have been asking God where I fit in this purpose. A year ago, I dreamed of God showing me three massive skyscrapers from different perspectives. I was standing directly in front of the center building's door, trying to see if I could see the top of this building. It was the tallest of the three. Then God showed it from the perspective of looking at it by drone.

They were taller than any buildings that would safely exist on Earth. In the third view, I could see all three buildings from a regular point of view. They were all a solid blue color. I asked God, "What is this? "Is this for me?" God said, "This is what I want to give you." I asked, "God, how will you produce these buildings from me?" God showed me that at the time of deep study and getting closer to him getting to know who he is.

I have never got that question answered, and I believe that God is answering it today through a video and watching online. God is the one who makes all the fantastic credible things happen because he equipped us with the gifts and talents in whatever he wants to give us to produce these things. Being human-being broken does not hinder the plans that Jesus has for me. That's just the reality of being a human being, of being a person who was, you know, struck by sin, right?

My success doesn't fall on my shoulders. It's my job to walk it out but to see it come to pass? That's on Jesus. It will happen as long as I remain obedient and in walking relations with God. I'm going to make mistakes. I probably never see the impact that I make. I didn't give myself enough room to grow and realize I could be as big as God intended. I don't need to fear that God will abandon me because of my brokenness or if I don't respond to Him in a certain way. He loves me anyway. I've been doing that for others, and it's time to make space for a new version of me to be born.

I realized I was too focused on delivering and providing that I forgot to step back and appreciate the present moment. I love loving people; I love giving. Providing or sharing everything I have to offer is not always necessary. I need some time for myself. I am ready to invest in myself and take steps to improve and give from the overflow.

God has told me in many ways that he is proud of me. It took me five months, but now I have seven more to figure out who I am and what I can do. I want to understand how being God's daughter affects me. I struggle with accepting God's love and forgiveness because I feel unworthy. Only today did I realize why I think this way.

Today I feel anointed because I agree with what God has for me. There's a level of trust that I am surrendering myself to God now. This moment is to know that I deserve everything God has for me, broken or not, and ultimately allow myself space to be broken. It's the space to be. We're going to learn. We're going to prosper. We're going to do all those things well.

Today is May 20th, 2023, and I realize that God's word over me was accurate - I can receive and give everything God has planned for me. We can listen to all these voices, but God gives us these gifts for a reason. It is to be transformative and to fill his purpose for us on this Earth. But God also loves you so much that he calls you a friend.

Even though God doesn't require us, He still desires us.

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in what we're learning from God that we forget He's been shielding us all this time so that we can stay faithful to His promises. I have been so focused on not losing him that I didn't realize he was committed to me. I was trying too hard to be perfect, leaving me exhausted. He has been supporting and protecting me all along. But all I know is that I have come to a revelation of some kind. This walk with God is not easy, but it's easier than being in the world. I'm just grateful! To God's Glory, amen.