An Open Letter to God

September 18, 2022

Dear God,

I had started writing in my personal journal about this to you, but I felt the need to share a bit with the world. I hope you don't mind.

God, this is when things get harder to deal with. When we cannot see and we can only rely on patience and grace to get through this part of the storm. We can only "sit tight" and wait for the winds to stop blowing and the water to be calm again. This is the part where I doubt if I am hearing you correctly or am I caught in my own desires trying to force this part of the story to go the way I see fit. I don't want that. As much as I tell myself to remain patient and calm, this assignment. This job is draining all the strength I have left. I watch as the time gets closer for me to clock in and I begin to cry. My strength leaves me. The only thing that keeps me going is calling upon your strength and it makes me question... "Why God?" I have let you prune me, renew me, and change in a matter of a year and counting and it has been far from easy. When will the blessings fall? When will I see the change physically? When will it be my time to move on from these things? The work you have done in my spirit, I lost 30 pounds from walking, but when will my sacrifices be rewarded? My vulnerability, and even though I cried and fussed, I still got up and did the things you wanted- so when? These temporary moments of rest get me through the days, but I want to be able to soar God. I want to be able to keep up with all the things you've called me to do. This feels like it's in my way, like it's blocking me from seeing something important. Something I need to see or know. I hope that makes sense. I guess this all feels like being in the dark about a surprise party. You hate to feel disoriented, and only to be surprised by what will turn into the greatest memory of your life. I hope so. I love you this much!

Your Child,

Troysha B. H. Giggans