The Thing About Tough Love.

To my Younger Self

I feel like I am at a brand-new start once again, trying to understand what God is doing this time around. I am discovering a mature version of myself in Christ, trying to shed away anything detrimental to my growth, and being able to touch those around me. Knowing who you are in Christ should come with a level of humility and understanding of humanity and love, to love with the love of Christ. Under God's guidance, I have found myself speaking sweetly in a way that is nurturing and comforting to my well-being. At a time when I am experiencing bitterness and personal suffering, I find it more necessary to be loving. I am at a place where the little girl inside of me is no longer trying to protect me.

Instead, she gives me what she dreamed we would have needed: a gentle and loving language that positions us for success.

Tough love demands you to be something you are ill-equipped and insufficient for instantaneously. Unconditional love is patient and graceful enough to prepare you and allow you to grow into who you are meant to be.

I recently watched a video about tough love and produced this quote. I often think of my mother, who saw my softness as a flaw. Not because she didn't value it, but because she knew of a world that would take you in, chew you up, and spit you out. My mother would tell me she felt like it was her job to toughen me up for the realities of this world. However, I often wondered if I would ever have a soft place to land.

Why couldn't someone teach me how to navigate this world just as I am? Some things never change about you. My sweetness, no matter how hard I tried, would not leave me. I grew angry, unstable, and lost from trying to be and operate out of something that went against who God created me to be. Tough love only worked because it fueled my desire to run away. I often fantasized about escaping what I knew as a harsh and dangerous world. The same language my mother used to toughen me up would work as my inner dialogue whenever I made a mistake or when I considered something to be a failure; even my success, I summed up to be insignificant. It wasn't until last year (2023) when I reached the end of myself that I realized. I was never going to be able to move forward without changing the way that I spoke to myself. It was a hindrance to my growth. I kept feeling like I should be "there" already. I should be mature already and should have the growth I desire to see.

I love AI generated art by the way!

This line of thinking kept making me chase things that would lead to me burning out. God constantly, to the point of (fleshly) annoyance, would remind me that he loved me. He was here to help me achieve the vision HE GAVE to me. I wanted to be her, but to get to that woman, I had to let go of those negative thinking patterns. You cannot nurse someone back to health with harshness; you have to attend to their needs, watch over them, and feed them medicine. I had to learn that I could not force my way into a healthier version of myself; I was going to do the hard thing, which was unconditionally love myself. If all you have known is talking to yourself with harsh words, expecting things to change, and for you to all of a sudden feel loved - you'll be waiting forever.

Unconditional Love comes at the expense of your anger, pride, and selfish ambition. Love has the ability to dismantle all the things that stand at the gate to oppose you. You can't expect to walk in love and victory when you are in direct opposition to it. Your words are powerful, and by reinforcing yourself with words of the destroy you, you stonewall love. You command it to leave with bitterness on your tongue. 'Love Don't Live Here Anymore' by Rose Royce was a song my mother and I used to love. I will pull a verse just to emphasize the point.

[Verse 2]

• Love don't live here anymore

• Just emptiness and memories

• Of what we had before

• You went away

• Found another place to stay, another home

Do you see it? Do you see the weakness in loving yourself (and others) roughly? Why would anyone want to stay in a place that is dry and deserted. Love has the ability to bind up broken hearts, heal, and transform us into new creatures. How then do you justify such bitterness? I didn't even realize the change had occurred until a few days ago (It's October 6th, 2024 1:58am). When I called myself "sweetheart."

Imagine my surprise as I was sweetly talking to myself after facing rejection. I encouraged myself to keep going and to continue to do what God told me to do anyway, despite feeling inadequate. I felt so much joy for realizing that I gave myself the best gift - the ability to love myself in good times and especially bad times. God keeps His words and His vision is coming true. Not by me forcing it, but because He, the amazing Father that He is, modeled it for me so I could do it for myself. Jesus is real, and this is one of a trillion reasons why we love Him. With this newfound language, I can be a better lover and member of my community, and to Jesus Christ, I am grateful.

Thank you for stopping by!

Love,

Troysha