A Father's Love

God taught me the true love of a father, before restoring the relationship with my human father. Here are some things I've been learning from both.

Blessed is the man who decided to be better than what he seen. No matter how hard it is or was.

But when he decided to change.

He made the decision and stuck to it.

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Truth is.... Everyone Needs their Daddy.

Currently sitting in my secret place, playing gospel at 1:13 am on a Monday, chopping it up with God. I don't remember what me or God said (Holy spirit things!) But I wrote down a father's love. I quickly grabbed my laptop and began to formulate this into words. My Dad was the first man to fail me. But he was also the first man to show me what it looks like when God redeems you.

My dad and I hadn't always had a rocky relationship. Truthfully, when I was really young, my dad would spend time with me. We would go to the park and he's the person who taught me how to climb trees and taught me how to have a good time. It was fun, and I loved my dad, but then I noticed he wouldn't come over to see me, but to sit and talk with my mom and only my mom. I became what felt like an option. I wasn't interested in being an option to my dad. Eventually, other things transpired and by the time I was 11, I was done having a father in my life. I tried to reconnect with my dad after my mom died. The things that transpired that Day broke me. It broke my heart in ways I didn't know it could. It sealed the seal on our relationship. A year or so passed and my dad called me one day after a health crisis, and said he was dying and needed my help. I was conflicted. So I called my oldest brother, and I talked to God. I only felt peace after I decided that whether my dad lived or died, I would be fine without him.

When the time came for God to show me his love and grace. To show me what a father's love actually felt like. I was astounded. It was something I never knew I needed. Sure, I was blessed with father figures in college. All of my male mentors are like my dads and uncles. But this, this was different. I finally felt what is like to have a father. To be covered and cherished. To be counseled. Little did I know, my father was praying for the restoration of our relationship. God told me to call my dad. He told me to tell him everything. When I called, this was the first time I told my dad, in essence, that he had failed me. I said, 'if you want this relationship to work you have to let go of me being your "baby girl." We can't make up for lost time. I am not a child anymore. Right now, I need you to meet me where I'm at. I'm not interested in any relationships where it feels like dead weight. If I feel like I am putting more work in to this relationship Daddy, I'll be done.' It opened the door for healing. Not simply because my dad said, "okay, we can try it your way." But I knew this time. If my dad failed me, GOD will never let me lack in that area again. It opened the door for my dad to see the cycle with his own dad. In his own life. The best gifts my Dad gave me was an apology and him saying, "I wish someone would've told me to stop chasing everything around me. That I had a child, a baby girl, and I needed to focus on that." This was far more valuable in my eyes than telling me he loved me, but an apology I didn't realize I had been waiting to hear. When God took over, I was okay with never receiving that, but he gave it to me, anyway. My relationship with my dad is still up and down, but I am more than willing to learn how to love him and vice versa. But the GLORY goes to God. I have a forever father, and he covers and teaches us both new things about each other.

He loves both of us. Forever.