Faith Comes by Sight: My Mom Lays the Foundation

There's so much I could say about my mama. My Linda. There's so much wisdom and healing that happened between our turbulent relationship, but at the end of the day, I loved my mama. My mama had me when she had been "born again." Meaning she started to develop her own personal relationship with God. My mom was wise, not in the ways of the world, but in the ways of God, and amazingly smart. My mom taught me what it's like to be a very flawed person who can still find redemption through God and the surrounding people. That it's my responsibility to learn the bible and seek God for myself. Because at the end of the day, God will not count all the days you went to church, but all the things you did to serve Him. She may have been a tough cookie, but you could never say my mom didn't love our King. I valued the times when she was mom and I didn't have to watch her cry, and her plead with me to not let this world turn my heart cold. That I don't end up like her, dead inside. I value those words now, because I realize just how much I act like my mom. My mom was called to serve. I know when I have the opportunity to take care of someone, It's like it's my moment to thrive. I know my mom felt like that too. But when you don't have any boundaries- it can take all the life out of you. OR CAUSE YOU TO PLAY GOD in someone's life. That's what happened to my mom. She lived to serve and when those people who she served who she nutured, couldn't give that back in return it broke her heart. (I know I watched her cry about it and we talked about it.) I think the very first thing my mom said that stuck with me was, "I'd give the shirt off my back if someone needs it." Because she knew God would always pay her back for her sacrifice. I got to watch this over and over and learn from it too. As I watched my mom get up and pray in the morning read her bible, or seemingly know when things would happen before they did I thought my mom had super powers. And it annoyed me so much!

In middle school I had this... "friend" that I had met on my first day of school, We'll Call her Barb. I invted Barb over my house, because my mama was strict. "You can come over HERE, but my child ain't going OVER THERE!" she would say. I remember this so vividly, she looked Barb in the eyes, this 11 year old girl and told her, "You a snake and a liar and I don't like you." I was so embarrased. I even tried to defend this girl and that led to everyone getting cursed out and put outside. I was so apologetic. At the time I didn't know Barb was spreading rumors about me. Awful rumors, that she told me someone else was spreading about me. Later on my mama had a long talk with me, about people like her. She told me to be careful who I hang around, and that I should be more discerning in the future. She said, "you may not believe me now but watch what happens." I don't think it was even a month later that our friendship dissolved and I told my mama she was right. She was a snake and a liar.

I can't help but laugh at that memory, because my moms prophetic insight was on point. But it taught me to be selective with who I allow close to me. After all, my mom and I are both sensitive people. She was Tough on the oustide but softer than tissue on the inside.

So now when I meet someone it doesn't matter who they are to me. I always sit back and watch the people around me to see how they reveal themselves. Whether it's good or bad to be vigiliant. Just like she taught me.

But the true testimony of my mom's faith was just the conversations we would have about everything, well almost everything. My mom is a baby boomer and I am a Older Gen-Z. But they way she spoke about God, and taught me what she know. How she observed the lessons in her life, and how she wasn't opposed from learning from me either laid the foundation for my relationship with God. I would always pick up my bible inconsistently throughout middle school and highschool. I didn't know at the time but I would talk to God and he would talk back to me. I just thought I was talking to myself the whole time.

SN: I just loved asking a lot of questions and God is the only person that has the patience to listen. Plus...I didn't know God talks back.

Then my mom dies 1st semester of sophmore year. and the first thing I say is well, My mom isn't here to pray for me anymore and I can't live off of her prayers forever. I don't have her hear to ask for wisdom or comfort. I need to develope my own relationship with God. For a month I seperated myself from everyone and would Go to the library on Campus and read the word of God. I was like God, I want the kind of relationship my mom had with you. I desire that too. Well it would be 4 years later until I actually commited myself to God the way he desires but without me seeing my mom showing that faith. Without my mom showing me what it was like to sit at God's feet- I don't think I would have reached God this quickly. Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." And God not only opened that door, but it's like he was waiting a long time ago for me to come to him.

And once I did ask for help God rolled out the plan so fast it made my head spin, but I love my Yahweh and my Jesus! The holy spirit just be spitting straight fire and I am here for it. My mama might be gone, but I gained the King in her place. And I am so very greatful for that. AND to know that she, Is living and eating GOOD okay?!

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. :)