You.

Hello all! I know I haven't been active on my blog and social media because I'm trying to "not" figure this thing out. Trust and healing are a journey, and right now, I am in a place where I thought I was right where I wanted to be and getting ready to launch into the next big thing. But the next big thing is healing. I am currently undergoing a period of self-exploration. I'm using the bible to truly discover who I am now that I've overcome my isolation and embraced freedom through Christ. It's incredible how difficult it is to pinpoint areas for personal growth once we welcome this process. I thought I was standing in a position of steadiness and wisdom: being flat-footed in the calling/purpose and identity in Christ. Only recently, after a period of questioning, did I realize that I am still operating in survival mode.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but coming to this reality is upsetting. I thought I had overcome my fear of putting everything in God's hands. I had no problem asking God about my daily business or what was next. Still, I wasn't asking him what I would need to accept and what areas I needed to grow to the next level. I've been burned yet again by trusting people. I felt ready to tackle God's plans, but now I'm back where I started without realizing it. I have faith, but the courage to trust people and God when people are so hard of heart. I didn't know my relationship with God reflected in my relationship with people. I keep them at a distance.

This post is sparked by events that happen constantly in this season of my life. God's plan has pushed me out of my comfort zone. I've gotten comfortable about getting part of the story myself. I have an issue with walking in between when you need more clarity. I've been studying the word of God, taking walks outside, and sitting in silence. Doing so allows the Holy Spirit to move and impart wisdom, but who knew this season was about me?

I've always been willing to lend a hand to others, which has been fulfilling, but unfortunately, I haven't extended the same level of care to myself. I've been taught that I come last. Now that I have to put myself first and realize who I am, my authority, and my strength in spirit, it's lost on me.

Sometimes, your surroundings can reveal that you've only scratched the surface of self-discovery. Moving to a different State taught me I made enough progress to get me here, but now? I need to learn who I am, and that's the assignment. There is much to learn about yourself. I have been walking and getting rides to a job a mile away. I stay under the graciousness of God now. Nobody can claim what God is doing in my life; nothing will stop me when I walk on the other side of this purification process. To God be the Glory.